Intention ≠ Perception
Have you ever walked away from a conversation thinking, that’s not what I meant at all?
That disconnect between intention and perception is one of the biggest flaws in human communication. And yet, it happens all the time.
Why Misunderstandings Hurt
On one side, there’s your intention—what you meant, what you felt, what you were trying to say.
On the other side, there’s someone else’s perception—their interpretation, shaped by their own filters, values, and experiences.
When those two don’t match, frustration builds on both ends. One person feels unseen, the other feels offended or confused. And suddenly, something small turns into conflict.
I feel misunderstood more often than I’d like to admit. Maybe it’s my sarcasm, my facial expressions, or just my difficulty expressing myself clearly. People make assumptions, I rush to explain myself, and still I walk away feeling like the gap is bigger than before.
It sucks because I know my intentions, but they don’t.
A Story from Work
One time at work, this gap became painfully clear.
I was frustrated because a teammate kept changing my priorities. Out of honesty, I mentioned it to my manager but not asking him to intervene, just letting him know. But he went ahead and told her I was frustrated.
Trying to smooth things over, I decided to apologize directly in a call. But instead of landing as an apology, my words were misinterpreted as criticism. She escalated it back to my manager, and suddenly I was in the hot seat accused of the exact opposite of what I intended.
By the end of the day, I was writing a second apology, this time filtered and reviewed by my manager to make sure it was “politically correct.”
It felt awful. And it perfectly captured this truth:
Intention ≠ Perception.
Why Does This Happen?
The problem is that none of us communicate in a vacuum. Every person brings:
Their upbringing (Were they raised in a critical home? A nurturing one?)
Their past experiences (Did they get punished for mistakes? Ignored when they spoke up?)
Their worldview (Do they see sarcasm as humor… or disrespect?)
We all have subconscious wiring that colors how we hear and interpret others. So when we listen, we’re not just hearing words we’re running them through our own filters.
That’s why something meant as a joke can sound offensive. Why feedback can land as rejection. Why an apology can feel like an attack.
What Helps: Empathy & Curiosity
The solution isn’t perfect, but it is simple: empathy.
Instead of rushing to judgment, we can slow down and ask:
What might this person actually mean?
What else could be true besides my first assumption?
Can I ask a clarifying question before reacting?
It doesn’t erase misunderstandings, but it opens the door to connection instead of conflict.
The Bigger Picture
We’re all raised differently. Our parents, environments, and societies shaped us in ways we rarely acknowledge. Most of us will never fully change to fit someone else’s perception.
But we can change how we approach others.
Instead of expecting people to perfectly communicate their intentions, we can give them the benefit of the doubt. We can assume good intentions until proven otherwise.
Because at the end of the day, empathy is easier than rebuilding broken trust.
Next time you feel misunderstood or about to misunderstand someone else, pause, ask, clarify and listen.
It’s not about being right. It’s about being human.