How Criticism Shapes Us
Imagine a world without criticism—how much less self-doubt would we carry?
Depending on where you grew up, there’s a good chance you’ve faced judgment so normalized it became background noise. But the truth is, criticism—especially when we’re young can leave a mark that shapes how we see ourselves for years.
Growing Up in a World of Judgment
I was born and raised in Lebanon, in a society where criticism came quickly and often. And to add another layer, I happened to be a girl in a place where the expectations for how girls should look, behave, and exist were loud and limiting.
To make matters even more interesting, I fell in love with football. Not just any love—the kind of love where you carry a ball everywhere, wear your gear proudly through your village, and play alone or with any boys who would let you join. Football was my freedom.
But freedom didn’t come without a cost.
The “Tomboy” Label
At first, I didn’t care what anyone said. My heart was in the game. But soon enough, the comments started mostly from family. “Stop playing, act more like a girl.” Neighbors and society joined in too, and I was labeled a “tomboy.” That word might sound playful in English, but in Arabic, it hits differently—it carries judgment, a warning, a rejection.
I didn’t realize it then, but those small comments were being quietly stored in my subconscious. They didn’t hurt right away. But they settled in.
As I got older, something changed. I found myself retreating from the “girly” things I actually liked because people had already boxed me into a role. Dressing up made me uncomfortable, not because I didn’t like it, but because compliments felt like a spotlight. “You look so different”, they’d say. And even when the words were kind, they felt like reminders that I didn’t belong in both worlds.
I remember getting a haircut and dreading the reaction. I couldn’t even enjoy something as simple as liking how I looked. I didn’t have the self-confidence to just be.
Healing Takes Time
Now, as an adult, I see how much those moments shaped me—how they influenced my style, my confidence, even how I walk into a room.
But something shifted.
It took years of self-reflection, growth, and maturity to unlearn the shame I carried. I’ve started to truly embrace who I am without needing anyone’s permission or approval. And honestly? That’s been one of the most freeing things I’ve ever done.
Because at the end of the day, no one’s opinion matters more than the one I hold about myself. I’ve learned to be kinder to that little girl who just wanted to play football and exist in peace.
The Criticism We Carry
The sad truth is: my story isn’t unique.
If you grew up in a similar judgmental environment, especially as a woman, I’m sure you’ve had your own version of this. Body shaming is common one for women. Whether it was about your looks, your choices, or the way you showed up in the world—those little comments often stay with us far longer than we realize.
And here’s what’s worse: when we internalize that criticism, we start turning it inward. We become our harshest critics. And sometimes, without realizing it, we pass it on to others—because we were taught that’s normal.
A Kinder Way Forward
We need less criticism in the world. Especially now, when social media makes it easier than ever to judge and harder than ever to feel enough.
Yes, constructive feedback matters but only when it's kind, thoughtful, and welcome.
So here’s a simple reminder: if you don’t have something kind or helpful to say, maybe don’t say anything at all. Words stick, especially when someone is still figuring out who they are.
And if you’re still carrying the weight of words said to you long ago—you’re not alone. You’re not broken. You’re human.
I hope something in this story felt a little bit relatable. If it did, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to leave a comment, share your own experience, or pass it along to someone who might see themselves in it too.